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bhuck-ed by tmX @ 9:10 AM
bhuck-ed by ch0ngyi @ 8:44 PM
Sergeant: Lay out your field pack items in exactly two minutes.
Everybody immediately scampered to unpack their field pack, arrange the items neatly and readied their items and themselves for inspection, all within the uncompromising two minute window. Oh no, the sergeant is heading this way...
Sergeant: What are these? (Holding up a pair of well seasoned shoes amongst my field pack items.)
Me: Well sarge, I thought since we NEVER wear shoes out in the jungle, an old pair... (Shuts up voluntarily as I realized that the sergeant's face swelled with anger with every word I speak.)
Sergeant: Did I told all of you to buy a new pair of shoe for your field pack? (Sarcastically)Huh recruit, is my Engrish so hard to understand?
I got off lucky, without any extra duties or weekend confinement. I never really liked the regimentation of military life, nor the weird decrees dictated by the higher ups. My pair of old shoes has several other companions in the rugged green haversack of mine. Meet Toothpaste, it weighs exactly a hundred grams; Uniform, neatly folded, compacted, with the rank and name tag displayed; and Mess Tin. Is that my face I see? Maybe I should get a new pair of shoes. My old ones just did not seem to fit in with its peers, just like how I could not seem to adjust to army life. However, unlike my shoes, I have friends that I could rely on. Now I shall introduce Enthu, Slacker and Joker in their typical day in the army:
RING RING! Off goes Enthu's alarm clock at 0515hrs. That only means that the actual reveille was at 0530 hrs.
Enthu: Wake up, wake up!
Joker: What? At this unearthly hour...
Slacker: Mmmm. (Still feasting on endless tables of food in dreamland.)
Enthu: Come on, we need to hurry for breakfast and then complete our area cleaning by 0700hrs.
No response. Enthu, getting impatient with his bunkmates, strode to the switches and turned on the lights. With Joker and Slacker unable to sleep under the disturbing glare, Enthu managed to drag both for breakfast and for the early morning area cleaning.
Slacker: Gosh! Area cleaning was tiring. Let me smell if my pillow is clean after all the hard work. (Buries his head in his pillow.)
Joker: Good idea!
Enthu: I shall go polish my boots.
At this juncture, a private enters the scene...
Private: The technician found our rifles in need of cleaning. Who wants to go clean the arms?
Joker: Snores. (Pretends to sleep.)
Slacker: Snores. (No pretense here.)
Enthu: I'll go!
Private: Did I hear you right? You, alone?
Enthu: Somebody will have to clean those arms sooner or later. And so, yes, I said yes, I will, yes.
Saying that, he left with the private to the armory for a good time of rifle cleaning.
Joker: WOOO! Escaped duties again. Hey Slacker, once again, Enthu saved us, or rather, our precious time!
Slacker: Okay I know that. We'll buy him something next time, but right now I want to go back to-
Joker: But actually, I think Enthu enjoys all these work.
Slacker: You are just stingy. We should show more appreciation. Every time when somebody asks ' who wants to help in this and that', it is always Enthu that volunteers.
Joker: The key word here is ask. Maybe they are just making a statement. For all you know, Enthu thinks that his name is spelled W-H-O. So when people SAY 'Who wants' they are just hinting to Enthu that there is something that he would like to do. I mean, I'm quite sure that Enthu enjoys such tasks.
Slacker: Wow that was enlightening. So actually I have done Enthu lots of favors. That's nice. The world is so much better with people like Enthu. Now I can enter dreamland without the taint of guilt in my heart.
After napping for 4 hours, Slacker and Joker were both awake and ready for lunch.
Slacker: What's keeping Enthu? My stomach can't sustain this torture any longer. Help!
Joker: Hey look! Guess who's back, back again? Who is back. Tell a friend. (Singsong tone.)
Enthu: I'm back, whew! Rifle cleaning sure is hard work, makes me a starving soldier. (Authoritative voice) Come on boys. Cookhouse! North-east. 120 meters. March!
(As the trio is marching...)
Joker: Look, a major!
Slacker: Where? (Panicky)
Enthu readies his right arm for a salute.
Joker: Over there, the fat guy happily devouring his drumstick.
Enthu: That is a corporal. After 6 months you can't even- Argh, not one of your jokes again...
Slacker: Oh yeah? My sister is a major too. (Enthu and Joker smiled on politely, not expecting much humor from Slacker.) And she told me this riddle. What table has gold, platinum and silver in it but only costs a dollar?
Enthu and Joker stood silent.
Slacker: The periodic table! Haha! And if you were wondering, my sister majored in chemistry at the University of Chicago. What a funny chemistry joke!
Joker: Helium, helium. (He He)
So Enthu and Slacker groaned through many of Joker's wisecracks throughout lunch, from a medic whose initials spelled MC to a corny colonel (kernel) joke.
Slacker: I can't believe that army food can taste so good. What's after lunch?
Enthu: Motorcycle maintenance course. Gosh look at the time! The lesson starts in 15 minutes. Let's make a move.
Joker: Yes sir. We shall take a five minute walk to the training shed and wait 10 minutes for the lesson to start. (Rolls his eyes)
Enthu: Well, it's always better to be early.
The motorcycle lesson was conducted by non-military personnel. Many of the people were glad to learn that for it meant that they wouldn't be subjected to the strict rules. As usual when it came to dirty work, and the instructor asked if who would like to lend a hand, he unwittingly gave an answer to his question. Slacker and Joker, meanwhile, would seat themselves at one corner and convince themselves that they were doing good to Enthu. The lesson had ended sooner than expected and the trio were just passing time sitting at one corner of the training shed. Slacker was making a paper airplane, Joker was pounding grass and Enthu was going through the lesson handouts for the third time.
Slacker: Guys, look! 3-2-1 blast off!
Joker: Wow that plane can sure fly.
Enthu: Wasn't that plane made from your handouts? How could you?
Slacker: What a wet blanket you are. I really wish that you could relax a little and not take everything so seriously.
Joker: Talking about wishes, check this out, my wishing dust I just concocted from the grass! It could make your wishes come true. Enthu, give it a try. ( Before Enthu could protest, Joker blew the green dust all over Enthu.) Okay you may now make a wish.
Enthu: Right. I wish that you will stop being lame.
Joker: Your wish has been granted my dear friend. Look Enthu, your wish is working. I can feel myself transform. I am changing into something better. (Dramatizing the moment as Joker struggles to stand. Joker then takes a few wobbly steps.) Oh look, the transformation is complete. I can walk! I can walk!
Enthu: You will be the death of me.
Time flies. That is something that one rarely gets to enjoy in the army. For the three friends, it was before long till they had dinner and they were back in the bunk, relaxing from a tough day; it was, at least, from the perspectives of two of them.
Slacker: Enthu, are those instant noodles? Can I buy one cup from you. Dinner wasn't enough to satisfy my calorie intake for the day.
Enthu: No, you lazy bum. Unless you pay a million bucks.
Joker: Actually, you could buy that thing if you don't mind your throat being a little sore.
Slacker: How?
Its a trap. Slacker and Enthu realized a little too late.
Joker: 'Woof woof'. That's 2 barks (bucks). Imagine, just to get the noodles, you would have to go woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woo-
Slacker and Enthu: (Sighing loudly) I’m tired...
With that, both sank into their beds.
I can never survive in this crazed camp without my three friends. Enthu gets the work done or else punishment will rain down on us. Life there is also colored by Joker's humor no matter how often we pretend to hate his lame jokes. And with people like Slacker, one can slack without feeling guilty or troubled because you know you are not the worse.
bhuck-ed by kelvin @ 6:43 PM
bhuck-ed by kelvin @ 12:38 PM
bhuck-ed by tmX @ 8:52 PM
bhuck-ed by kelvin @ 11:14 PM
bhuck-ed by tmX @ 9:03 PM